Wednesday, 1 January 2014

My Depressed Brain

My depressed brain came in a gradual state of decline. I didn't just wake up one day depressed. It happened slowly, and will be slow to recover.

My DB is slow. It's like my neurons aren't communicating with each other like they should. Small effect, but noticeable when I look for it. My DB is also slower to do things, get started. Motivation is a serious problem. Just getting out of bed is a challenge in the morning.

Getting to sleep is also a challenge. My DB likes to bring up all those horrible memories right when I try to sleep. Or just keep going long after I close my eyes. Then, if I let it, my DB will sleep for 12, 13 hours straight. But only when it feels like it.
Did I mention motivation? My DB doesn't give a fuck. Why bother, it says. Doesn't matter anyway. My DB would rather stay alone, hidden, safe and sound in my cave. My mask.

My DB does have a lovely range of wigs and fake glasses. It likes to play dressup, not letting itself be seen. I'm just grumpy. Been a hard week, out of patience. Work stress, it will pass. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm doing ok. My DB is a consummate liar. Especially to the people I care about and who care for me. Even more so to myself.

My DB though. Mine, a part of me. Sadface.

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